I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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