If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
