I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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