i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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