you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
