The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
