so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
