Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
