why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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