I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
