Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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