Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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