I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
