Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
