You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
how does that bad decision feel?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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