dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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