dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
