you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
