Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
