My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
