Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
