Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
