I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
