Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
