Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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