3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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