When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
As shirtless as possible
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
