The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
