I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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