You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I cut my penus on the lid.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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