I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
