Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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