Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
