you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
