Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
