So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
