It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
