At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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