Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
