when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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