Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
