Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
