NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
