so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
