Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My feet surprised me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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