so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
