around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I supernannyed him into submission
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
