12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
