I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
