My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
