last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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