Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
