Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
