I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
